Monday, January 10, 2011

What Shall This Man Do? The Paralysis of Analysis

It's been a long time since I've posted on my blog. My wife was in the hospital twice last year and it has been a difficult ever since. She's dealing with severe physical and emotional symptoms. To be available to offer my wife love and support and help, I dropped the course I was enrolled in at Reformed Theological Seminary last fall. Things have become a bit more stable for her, though the struggles continue. My wife often raises the question of why are all these things happening to her? Why does life have to be so hard for us?

So I have been doing a lot of ruminating-- in light of our challenges, what should be the next step? I have long wanted to be pursue my passions in music, writing and reformed theology, in such a way as to be able to do these things in a full-time career/ministry. But I have been hindered by indecision about how to best focus my efforts. Part of the hesitation is a practical concern about being able to make enough money to live on, if I do make a transition from my current work into more Christian-oriented work. So there's many questions-- do I resume seminary (which will take at least 5 years as a distance student)? Should I focus more on music? Is it possible to be disciplined enough to do both? In addition can I also do some writing and blogging, as well as serve in various church ministries?

In my free time, I continue to read on reformed topics. I have also been playing guitar a lot (learning covers of songs by artists I admire) and recording new song ideas. I played a couple of gigs-- one at a church function where I got to play a whole set of original songs-- and another gig at a coffeehouse in Manhasset where I also played my own stuff.

As I become a reformed thinker, I believe God is sharpening my understanding of the gospel. I attend a church that does a marvelous job of helping the congregation look to the gospel of Christ, not just for salvation, but also for living the Christian life on a day-to day practical level. When one learns to see God more and more as the Bible portrays Him-- majestic, sovereign, mighty, without equal, thrice-holy-- and learns to see themselves properly-- with the dignity we have as God's image bearers yet with the humble recognition that we are very sinful, weak creatures who can do nothing apart from God-- only then does one begin to live more in tune with God's purpose for one's life.

So I desire to blog again, sharing any insights I may gain in these current struggles, or at least to point to helpful articles and resources I encounter. My motto right now, is 'Just do it!' I want to break my 'paralysis of analysis'-- and get feedback from reality by taking action-- whether it's to write an article, record a song, play a gig, perform special music at church, do a teaching or whatever. In this way, I hope to get past the theoretical and my cursed perfectionism, to gain a better sense of what God would have me to do. Won't you remember me in your prayers?